Movie Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

dissent rating: -3/10

In my defense, I only watched this because it was nominated for, like, a bajillion academy awards. And guess what? It is really, truly, the absolute worst film I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. Worse than Plan 9 From Outer Space, worse even than that atrocious greek-myth medley we saw as part of the AHTF in Edinburgh. I'm serious. It is a terrible movie, and just knowing it exists makes me very angry.

Why so bad? Take an F. Scott Fitzgerald story, throw in a pair of ridiculously poorly paired leads with big names, and force them to put on shitty southern accents (Brad Pitt sounds like Bugs Bunny half the time -- it's an accent, not a speech impediment, bro) just because it takes place in New Orleans so that you can have Hurricane Katrina as part of the frame narrative, thereby whoring for even more awards and simultaneously raping tradgedy for whatever you can get out of it. Now take the semi interesting plot, ruin it and turn it into a hackneyed piece of shit, top with a nice helping of 'it's the south pre-1950, therefore mystical shit happens' and drag all of this out for so long you'll wished you'd sat down to the seven-hour Satantango instead, because even though that film opens with a 20-minute shot of cows, it is way more interesting. As if that weren't enough, hurry through the only plot points that hold a glimmer of potential, rush the end of the movie because you spent too much time on steamy sex scenes with the leads in the middle of the film, and then present it to the world as your very own gift to the history of art, all because you wish you could have been the one to make Big Fish. If we're going with the French on this one and calling the director the auteur, then we get to blame David Fincher for this horrible piece of shit. They should bring back the Hollywood blacklist just for this guy. Course, he is the fool who made Alien3 and that fourteen year-old hormonal angst porn Fight Club, so I guess I don't know what I was expecting.

But no, seriously, don't even bother.