dissent is patriotic :: blog

As many of you are aware, I embarked in late 2007 on what I called, at the time, a "yearlong survey of gay-interest cinema". It lasted quite a bit longer, in the event, until late 2009, by which time I had begun a second "yearlong survey" of cheap, shitty zombie movies. I ended both when they coincided in the same title, which will be reviewed at the end of this series. For now, enjoy, over the next several weeks, a series of capsule reviews of films which are, to varying degrees, gay or gay-centric or gay-related.

Sommersturm
D, 2004
Robert Stadlober, Alicja Bachleda
dir. Marco Kreuzpaintner

Overall rating: OO 2 cock rings out of 5
Fag Hag Hotness Index: 10 out of 10
Fake Sex Rating: 3 out of 10


The scene is a small town on Lake Starnberg, in Upper Bavaria: The dour village hall and the thick-as-mud regional accents substitute for creating a meaningful sense of place. Tobi (Robert Stadlober) is a gangly, weird-looking young man in the end stages of secondary school, and he and his swarthy, conventionally-attractive BFF, Achim (Kostja Ullman), are inseperable. Ten minutes of exposition show a friendship full of gleeful—dare we say gay—athletic competition, banter, hijinks, and ew, what's this? A joint masturbation session! Of course as one lies on the floor of the locker room next to one's best friend, one is meant to dutifully close one's eyes and imagine girls, but director Kreuzpaintner decorates his thematic Warhammer models with a billboard-size calligraphy brush, so the entire wank is filmed from such an angle that we can see Tobi doing a Xerox scan of Achim's naked body while they're rubbing one out.

It soon becomes clear that, for Tobi, the worst part about his BFF is that second F: we're treated to a montage of stock teenage awkwardness, misinterpreted glances, awkward leanings-in for a kiss after a fat joint, and all the rest. Then it's time to go camping at the boat race, where Redneck Bavaria Boat Club must compete for the trophy against a number of other subtle, realistic teams: the stern, humorless east German team ("ve vant to train on ze east side of ze lake"), the all-girls Catholic team (of which there is one shot, consisting of them singing Jesus songs on the guitar), and—the plot thickens!—the "QueerSchläger", aquatic faggots aus Berlin. I don't need a sextant and a coxswain to point me to where this is going, and neither do you.

What follows is useful because it serves as a primer for the stock elements of all of these films: there's Tobi, the nervous, innocent, wide-eyed—the Frodo of nascent gayness, lurching fitfully towards the Mount Doom of self-awarness while his reptillian CGI fag hag crawls along desperately behind him; there's Georg, the personification of over-the-top gay panic, and there's the fruitful, if unintentional, discourse on gay male misogyny. Why do we do this to girls who like us? Why do we feel entitled to use them to hide behind? This movie begs these questions, but it's too stupid to ask or engage with them.

Instead, we get Marquez-esque dream sequences: Georg goes into the camp of the gay team and, his head spinning, sees penises and penentration everywhere he looks; Tobi, whose closet door is the gate of Mordor, brushes through a corn field to see the spurned, clueless girl whose dreams he occupies (Bachleda) radiant and ready-for-it on a beach towel, out of nowhere. He eventually gets with one of the rowers from the QueerSchläger, and they get two sex scenes: one on a dock, at whose climax they both rather look and sound like they're being tazed, and one in a youth hostel at the end, which consists of namless Berlin rowing hunk peeling Tobi's sunburn. Rawr. Meanwhile, straightboy Achim and his nasty girlfriend are in the woods copulating in lush vegetation and golden light, showing us what the boning would have looked like in Paradise Lost.

It's tough to tell what the point of this film is. It's too flat and too judgemental of the gay characters to be sentimental fantasy for old gay fogies: the gay Frodo has no agency, he is but the object (the victim, the film insinuates) of older, more lustful, more experienced gays; but it certainly stops short of condemning them, as long as they keep to themselves and don't—Aha. That's it. Sommersturm is a piece designed to make middle-class Germans nod along in confirmation of their mere tolerance, in the abstract, of same-sex desire: something far away, dangerous, but confined to a couple of neighborhoods in Berlin. When the bus drops Tobi off at home, alone, the last second of the film is the one with the clearest message: You thought you were gay, kid. Phew, glad that's over.

aus dem GILGAMESCH-EPOS

updated with line numbers, which match in both the English (AR George) and German (Stefan Maul) translations

Der, der die Tiefe sah, die Grundfeste des Landes,
der das Verborgene kannte, der, dem alles bewußt —
Gilgamesch, der die Tiefe sah, die Grundfeste des Landes,
der das Verborgene kannte, der, dem alles bewußt —

vertraut sind ihm die Göttersitze allesamt. [ I 5 ]
Allumfassende Weisheit erwarb er in jeglichen Dingen.
Er sah das Geheime und dekte auf das Verhüllte,
er brachte Kunde von der Zeit vor der Flut.

Einen weiten Weg kam er her, um zwar müde doch endlich zur Ruhe gekommen zu sein.
Festgehalten auf einem Steinmonument ist all die Mühsal. [ I 10 ]
Er baute die Mauer von Uruk, der Hürdenumhegten,
die des hochheil'gen Eanna, des reinen Schatzhauses.

Sieh an dessen Mauer, die wie Kupfer glänzt!
Besieh ihre Brustwehr, die niemand nachzubilden weiß!
Nimm doch die Treppe, die dort seit ewigen Zeiten! [ I 15 ] 
Komm heran an Eanna, den Wohnsitz der Ischtar,
den kein künftiger König wird nachbilden können, noch sonst ein anderer Mensch!

Steig doch hinauf, auf der Mauer von Uruk wandle umher!
Die Fundamente beschaue, und das Ziegelwerk prüfe: [ I 20 ] 
ob ihr Ziegelwerk nicht aus Backstein besteht
und ob die sieben Weisen nicht selbst ihr Grundmauern legten!

...

Alle Könige weit überragend, hochberühmt und von schönster Gestalt:
Der kühne Sproß Uruks, der stößige Stier, [ I 30 ] 
geht vorne als erster voran;
auch hinten geht er als Zuversicht seiner Brüder.

Festes Ufer und Schirm seiner Truppen,
wütende Woge, die einreißt die Mauer aus Stein. [ I 35 ]
Stier Lugalbandas, Gilgamesch, volkommen an Kraft,
von der erhabenen Kuh, Wildkuh-Ninsunna, gesäugt!

Hochaufgewachsener Gilgamesch, volkommen und ehrfurchtgebietend,
der die Gebirgsdurchgänge erschloß, [ I 40 ] 
der die Brunnen an den Rändern der Berge grub,
der den Ozean, das weite Meer, überquerte bis hin zum Aufgang der Sonne,

der die Ufer der Welt, nach dem Leben stets suchend, erforschte,
der dank seiner Kraft Uta-napitschti, den Fernen, erreichte, [ I 45 ] 
der die Kultstätten, welche die Sintflut zerstörte, wiedererrichttete an ihrem Ort,
der die Riten festsetzte für die umnebelten Menschen!

The European Space Agency's Planck Telescope took this picture of the entire sky over the course of a year.


"The Sulphurous Hail
Shot after us in storm, oreblown hath laid
The fiery Surge, that from the Precipice
Of Heav'n receiv'd us falling, and the Thunder,
Wing'd with red Lightning and impetuous rage,
Perhaps hath spent his shafts, and ceases now
To bellow through the vast and boundless Deep.
Let us not slip th' occasion, whether scorn,
Or satiate fury yield it from our Foe.
Seest thou yon dreary Plain, forlorn and wilde,
The seat of desolation, voyd of light,
Save what the glimmering of these livid flames
Casts pale and dreadful? Thither let us tend"

— Paradise Lost I.169 et seq.



"But what about the End of the Universe? We'll miss the big moment." "I've seen it. It's rubbish," said Zaphod, "nothing but a gnab gib." "A what?" "Opposite of a big bang. Come on, let's get zappy." — Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

When in the course of human Events, it becomes necessary for one People to dissolve the Political Bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth, the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation.

We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness—-That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and to institute a new Government, laying its Foundation on such Principles, and organizing its Powers in such Form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient Causes; and accordingly all Experience hath shewn, that Mankind are more disposed to suffer, while Evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the Forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security. Such has been the patient Sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the Necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The History of the Present King of Great-Britain is a History of repeated Injuries and Usurpations, all having in direct Object the Establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid World.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public Good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing Importance, unless suspended in their Operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the Accommodation of large Districts of People; unless those People would relinquish the Right of Representation in the Legislature, a Right inestimable to them, and formidable to Tyrants only.

He has called together Legislative Bodies at Places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the Depository of their public Records, for the sole Purpose of fatiguing them into Compliance with his Measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly Firmness his Invasions on the Rights of the People.

He has refused for a long Time, after such Dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the Dangers of Invasion from without, and Convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the Population of these States; for that Purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their Migrations hither, and raising the Conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the Tenure of their Offices, and Amount and Payment of their Salaries.

He has erected a Multitude of new Offices, and sent hither Swarms of Officers to harass our People, and eat out their Substance.

He has kept among us, in Times of Peace, Standing Armies, without the consent of our Legislature.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a Jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution, and unacknowledged by our Laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large Bodies of Armed Troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from Punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all Parts of the World:

For imposing taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us, in many Cases, of the Benefits of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended Offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an arbitrary Government, and enlarging its Boundaries, so as to render it at once an Example and fit Instrument for introducing the same absolute Rule in these Colonies:

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with Powers to legislate for us in all Cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our Seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our Towns, and destroyed the Lives of our People.

He is, at this Time, transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the Works of Death, Desolation, and Tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and Perfidy, scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous Ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized Nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the Executioners of their Friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic Insurrections among us, and has endeavoured to bring on the Inhabitants of our Frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known Rule of Warfare, is an undistinguished Destruction, of all Ages, Sexes and Conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions we have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble Terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated Injury. A Prince, whose Character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the Ruler of a free People.

Nor have we been wanting in Attentions to our British Brethren. We have warned them from Time to Time of Attempts by their Legislature to extend an unwarrantable Jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the Circumstances of our Emigration and Settlement here. We have appealed to their native Justice and Magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the Ties of our common Kindred to disavow these Usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our Connections and Correspondence. They too have been deaf to the Voice of Justice and of Consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the Necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of Mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace, Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the World for the Rectitude of our Intentions, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly Publish and Declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be, Free and Independent States; that they are absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political Connection between them and the State of Great-Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the Protection of the divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Dissentispatriotic.net wishes you a happy Fourth of July.

Presenting the Dissentispatriotic.net European City Travel Guide. Click to enlarge.

PSALM 137

By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down,
yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.

We hanged our harps upon the willows in the midst thereof.

For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song;
and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying,
Sing us one of the songs of Zion.
How shall we sing the LORD's song in a strange land?

If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.
If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth
if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy.

Remember, O LORD, the children of Edom in the day of Jerusalem;
who said, Rase it, rase it, even to the foundation thereof.
O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed;
happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

Once you get the idea of what it's about, skip to about 5m 55s and just... well... seeing is believing.